everybody’s got a secret,
would you like to tell me
yours?
I can’t leave,
I can’t turn away from a world like this one
I could save myself,
or let you save me
everybody’s got a secret,
and I don’t know if I want to tell you
mine
I’m just made of
poorly written
messy, meaningless notes
I’m sitting on a bed that doesn’t feel mine
where I scream, in silence
I thought I was that book
you know
the one you misjudged by its cover
I thought I was a survivor
I’m just an asshole, “all martyrdom
and no salvation”
no redemption, not for me
I choose a mask between many
the most comfortable for every situation
I’m not afraid of anything
because on the inside, I’m empty
I stage battles to count my wins
I don’t care about living forever
I just want to die a winner
I live a play, a recital
and I’m good at it, I think I’m the best
the best, at being wrong
I get off the stage and
nobody knows who I am
neither do I
and every time, I get closer
to that rock bottom
clenching my fists
at the bottom of my abyss
and would you even know
sometimes I’m just so far away that
I don’t even know what I’d fear the most
to not find myself anymore
or to find myself again
I’m next to forget everything
I’m next to be forgotten
I’m tearing apart old pictures of me
thousands of eyes stare at me
from the blankets’ folds, from the shadows
around me, the plaster begins to peel off the walls
revealing dirty, cracked bricks
the ceiling is a cobweb
a multitude of spiders is descending toward me
behind the photos were written notes
but they get blurry under salty drops
my ears are ringing
my heart is pounding
my head is bursting
and I just don’t care
everybody’s got a secret
and I just don’t know
if I want
to know
yours